...random thoughts, opinions and secrets on children... aging... cooking... crafts... nature... and whatever else I deem curious...
~Copyright 2015. Hootie~

Saturday, October 03, 2015

Traveling with a Calvin Klein Model

Tomorrow I will head out on an adventure.  My grown son is traveling with me on a trip.  

Where does time go?  It seems that it was just the other day when he was a youngster.  He's twenty-three now.  We've traveled  many places together, but it's been a long time since our last mom/kids adventure.  I think the last big trip I had with my son was when he was 15 and we went to San Diego.  The three of us, my son, daughter and myself, explored one of my favorite cities.  I have been to San Diego many times.  I had always wanted to share it with my children.  One spring break, I had the opportunity.  I took them to the famous San Diego Zoo, Coronado, Point Loma, the Harbor, one of the missions, La Jolla, and we drove to Los Angeles so I could take them to Disneyland.  

My children have had the opportunity to visit both U.S. Disney amusement areas.  Spoiled?  Possibly... probably.  Maybe I'm the spoiled one, I have been the one to share these experiences with them.  How wonderful is that?  

One family trip, as we were heading to Florida on an airplane, an attendant came up to my son and said another passenger had a question for him.  Was he a Calvin Klein model?  As a mother, that is NOT something one expects her child to be asked!  He might have been 17 at the time.  Certainly he would have been perfect CK model material.  Lanky.  Longer haired.  Stylish.  It might have been his messenger bag that was slung over his shoulder in such a way that said, I am Carefree.  I am Youth.  I am the Future.  

I wonder what awaits us on this next trip?  He has grown so much.  He has lived on his own for the past four years.  Shopped, cooked, cleaned, graduated from college, and traveled with his friends.  I'd like to take a little credit for the man he is becoming, but I know he's been the one in driver's seat.  I helped set the foundation and he's done the rest.  I can count on him to help without my telling him what to do.  It's amazing how these little ones we bring into the world grow in the blink of an eye.  They make us realize that time moves forward.  They remind us of our blessings.  They remind us that life is short.  

I will cherish my travels this week.  The two of us will be visiting my daughter, his sister.  I've been trying not to blink...she's growing up as well.  Amazing how that happens!  lol   She'll be the one showing us around her world and surroundings.  I don't want the week to go by too quickly, but I can't wait to blog again next week!  I'm sure I'll be sharing a ton of pictures this week on my other social media avenues.  

Tomorrow, I'll have my Calvin Klein model by my side...as we head to visit my Princess!  

~Lisa Kroll 

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Daniel Craig is Staring at Me.

Honestly.  He is.  As I sit and ponder what words to type, his steel grey (yes, I know they are usually blue) eyes are piercing my subconscious.

I'm staring back.

He smiles.  So do I.  There is a little knowing smile on his face, mixed with a touch of mystic.  Dang, he's cute for a  youngster.  I wonder what his wife thinks of him smiling at other ladies?  Do I care? I do.  If it's just a friendly smile, than I think it is...fine.  But if it's more than that, ...drats.  I'm not someone who can share.

The hardest part of my being single right now is learning how to trust again.  I am so scared of being rejected.  I have been trying to stay detached.  Not allowing my feelings to enter into the mix of my life.  Unfortunately, they are not cooperating.

I am finding out that I want more than just looking at that pretty face on the magazine.  I am not that person who can separate her emotions from actions.  I want to be feel the connection that being open with another human allows.  Both physically and mentally.  It's not possible for me to have relations with a person and not let my soul be exposed.  But I know I haven't been single for that long.  I'm not looking to get married again.  I'm not even sure I know what I want, but I do know I want to be able to be honest and fully experience a relationship the way it should be experienced.  I want to be ready, but my mind isn't there yet.  The advice I get is go with the moment, have no expectations, just enjoy life.  I am.  But it's scary.  Am I meant to be alone forever?  I have plenty of friends.  What I mean is, I really exposed myself once in a relationship and was bitten.  Am I brave enough to be bitten twice?

If you are reading this and you are in a relationship, then think about this...how well does that person know you?  And what do they know about you?  What do you know about them?  Do they know your bad habits and they are with you anyway?  What kind of things do you talk about?  Random things?  Deep conversations? Things you've done together?  All that is gone for me.  My slate has been wiped clean.  It's so scary starting over.  I miss deep human contact.  Yet, I remain guarded. Maybe that's my mystic.  

~Lisa Kroll 

Tonight's music:  Ed Sheeran, from his EP FIVE, disc 1, 2, and 3. 
Specifically these songs:  Cold Coffee, Let it Out, Sofa, Where We Land, So and Be Like You 

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Reinventing Oneself

If Invent (verb) means to create or design, or to make up (an idea, name, story, etc.), especially so as to deceive.  Then Reinvent must mean to create, design, or make up again.  

I have been thinking about this lately.  As I listen to my new favorite artist, Ed Sheeran, singing from an older EP that I recently downloaded.  For those non-techies like me, an EP, Extended Play, is a musical recording that contains more than a single but less than an album.  

On this EP, there are several recordings of the same song.  Different versions, some live, some not.  Mostly I hear Ed's soul coming through once again.  He truly is a romantic wordsmith.  

As I listen to him singing I wonder, is he reinventing himself as he sings?  Or is he just refining what is all ready there?  Do people reinvent themselves?  And if they do, are reinventions really accurate perceptions or just more deception?  Still the 'man behind the curtain'?

Which brings me to me. 

Have I reinvented myself?  I don't think so.  I think what others are seeing is what has always been there.  I liken myself to a turtle.  I pulled my head in to protect myself, and now I feel safe to show myself the world.  I feel like the me that I am allowing to now show has just been waiting to be unveiled.  I feel I was waiting for the right moment to poke my head out from inside my shell.  Maybe I've transformed just a bit...as a caterpillar does when it goes into it's chrysalis.  Does it change or just refine what is all ready there on the inside? 

Sometimes we show ourselves in ways we think others want us to show ourselves.  Silly isn't it?  But typical in our society today.  

Jokingly I was asked recently, "You're so damn happy.  What's your problem?"  

The answer my friends, Life is Short.  

~Lisa Kroll 

Tonight's Music:  My recent purchase, and you can listen to the whole thing for free on Spotify!  Go to Spotify.com and search for Ed Sheeran, albums, 5.  

Saturday, September 05, 2015

Dating in the 21st Century, and Almost Being Over-the-Hill....

On June 20, 1985, 3:20 a.m. my dad died in his sleep.  In that instant, my mom became single and a single parent.  She had a five-year-old under her wing and two grown children, ages 19 and 21.

She had anticipated sharing her life with the man of her dreams.  They had plans.  They had love.  They had one another...through sickness, health, rich and poor times, etc.

Suddenly, she was alone.

I was as sensitive as any 21 year old, who had just met her love could be.  I now wish I had my current life experience hidden away in my pocket.  I didn't give my mom nearly enough time to mourn.  But, when it came time for her to move forward, she had my brother and me behind her.  We were her biggest fans and we gave her as much emotional support as we could.  We didn't want to see her unhappy.  She was too young, too joy filled, too vivacious, too happy of a soul to be alone for the rest of her life.  Simply put, she was an amazing lady.

Oh, history (sigh)...  Thanks for allowing me to learn from you.

After spending nearly two years working my butt off in graduate school, knowing that my marriage was over through it all, and feeling too young to be alone, not religious enough to join the convent (sorry Sister Frances!), and too social...I decided to try my hand at online dating.  

Think about it, how does a fifty-one-year-old let others know she has healed enough to want to get out in her community and date?  I was told I need to join organizations, be active in groups, follow my passions.  Where do all the single 50+ year old men hang out?  If they are in the bars, no thanks.  I don't mind a drink or two, but nightly...not for me.  On one's profile that means I am a "social drinker".

Who has time to, hold down a full-time job, take care of the pets that are now a responsibility, and keep a house uber clean since it's on the market?

Do you know how much courage it takes to go to events alone?  Going to a movie is different than going to say a gala event.  So, gala's are no longer part of my life.  Time for new adventures.  Going on walks alone has it's risks.  As does traveling.  I try to not be scared of this world, but I am cautious. Saturday nights I force myself to go out! I love my blogging nights. 

Enter the world of online dating with me.  This is what I've learned so far.

1) Pay $ and upgrade.
In order to thin out the better choices from the bad choices, one must spend a little money.  I recall as an undergraduate hearing one of my professors say TANSTAAFLE.
There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch...totally applies.
Spend money to have the weeds pulled.

2)  Pictures.
Don't trust anyone who only posts one picture or no picture.  Or at least proceed with caution!  Yes, there are people who are in certain jobs whom need to not post their pictures, I get that.  They really should have another source they are comfortable with sharing...like Facebook!  Telling me you'll send me pictures if I'll give you my email or cell phone number....sorry, Charlie.

I did learn a lesson the hard way (no pun intended).  Someone decided to share his peacock with me without my asking. Skeptical it was really his.  If it was...well...I was not impressed.  He has been blocked. 

3) Meet in Public.
Guys of all age have one thing on their mind.  Maybe girls do as well.  Society today seems a little more promiscuous than I recall from my youth.  As independent as I am, I hope to be sought after.  Maybe even chased a little and made to feel wanted.  It seems that in today's world people don't have to try very hard to find someone who will go to bed.

4) Age.
Yes, it is just a number, but I am NOT interested in someone younger than me.  If you are under 30, definitely DO NOT contact me!  The flattery comes off as creepy.  I feel you might have mommy issues.  I don't want to take care of you!  Even if you are under 50, I'm probably not interested.  Someone my age has experienced the same world that I have.  They will have a past too.  I like that.  Our pasts make us richer souls.  We will have things to discuss.

I do have stories I could share, but not here.  Most of the men I chat with are kind, kind people.  I am looking for someone close to home.  Someone I can share my community with, hopefully this is his community too since I plan on staying put.  As a social person, I need my partner to be social as well.  I'm still learning who I am though and I am still new to this dating stuff.  I don't think people really go out any more.  I think so many people are looking for that person they used to have...just in a different form.  It might not be me they are looking for.  

I have moved forward.  I am NOT looking for the same person I had.  

My reminder this morning:    

I am working on being that magnet.

~Lisa Kroll 

Sunday, August 30, 2015

People Watching....

Ever find yourself with time to fill when you are out in public?  I don't travel often enough that I have free time to spare while in an airport, but what a great place to watch people.   Tonight I am at my blogging spot and I'm trying to decided what I'd like to write about.  Hmm...look at me...I'm looking at others.  I wonder what others think when they look at me.  

Here's a snippet of what I think might go on in their brains...
Look at that hair...OMG, does she ever comb it?  What a curly mess.  

Those glasses...wow...not a good look, she should try contacts.  

Who does her make up? or She needs make-up.   
That lipstick....not.  her.  color.  

Good Heavens...Are those real?  She should cover them up!

Where does she shop?  
How old does she think she is?  
That style...  

I think, as human beings, we scrutinize others to make ourselves feel better about ourselves.  I wish we wouldn't do that.  I know not everyone does. But look at all the reality shows that are on television these days.  We judge.  We feel our opinions of others matter, when really, they don't, and shouldn't.  

If something makes us feel good about ourselves, then we need to embrace that.  In that same line of thinking, I also believe we do things to ourselves because we think it will make others like us better.  We live in a society where we place too much emphasis and worry on what others might think.  

My hair...its naturally curly.  I love that is has a mind of it's own.  It took me a LONG time to come to terms with that.  I tried with all my might to straighten it when I was a teen. I spent too many years trying to tame the beast that is my hair.  Now, I love my crazy mess.  Do I comb it?  Upon occasion.  

My glasses...I used to wear contacts, but I can't any more.  At least I cannot for any length of time, and if I do, then I can't read.  I LOVE reading.  Giving up my contacts made my eyes healthier.  Fingerprints on glasses are annoying, but glasses are cool!  

My make-up...I love being mostly natural.  I like mascara and a little blush, and really, I love seeing myself in the mirror looking natural.  I want to be able to get caught in a rain storm and not feel the need to hide because my make-up (or my hair) has been compromised.  

Italian genes.  Yes, they are real.  I recall watching The Producers...I enjoyed Uma Thurman here: "When You've Got it, Flaunt It....enough said.  

In the past year, I have fallen in love with wearing dresses.  I shop wherever, and whenever I can.  I love Mulberry Cottage in Nashville, IN and Zulily online. 
Age is just a number, but I think I am the perfect age for me.  
I will wear what ever style makes me happy.  I LOVE flowers and patterns.  

I was born in the era of flower children.  I really would wear flowers in my hair every day if I could. Lace, flowers, bell style sleeves, etc. I feel less constrained these days.  I'm sure it has everything to do with gaining my independence.    

I try not to judge.  I wish more could live that way as well.  

~Lisa Kroll
Author's after note:  When out shopping today, I did see a very, purple Mohawk.  I'll admit my first thought was  - WOW, now THAT'S purple!  

Saturday, August 22, 2015


Tonight, as I was texting with my sister, we were discussing potholes.  

***A pothole is a type of failure in an asphalt pavement,[1] caused by the presence of water in the underlying soil structure and the presence of traffic passing over the affected area. Introduction of water to the underlying soil structure first weakens the supporting soil. Traffic then fatigues and breaks the poorly supported asphalt surface in the affected area. Continued traffic action ejects both asphalt and the underlying soil material to create a hole in the pavement. (Wikipedia, Potholes)

My sister and I were actually talking about driving into a pothole unexpectedly.  Some potholes cannot be avoided, nor can one avoid all potholes.  When we hit a pothole, we learn what to do to survive.  We take inventory of damage done, and then move forward.  

I've hit a few potholes in my life.  This morning I hit another.  My iCalendar is wonderful, except it reminded me of an event I really did not need reminding about. Hitting the pothole this morning made me stumble back into a place where I second guess myself.  I was all ready feeling a little cautious.  Feeling like I had been starting to exposing my inner self too much...sure my flaws are going to be seen.  Then I hit the pothole.  It shook my soul.  Made me feel like it was a cosmic reminder that I am not perfect.  It reminded me that someone once saw my flaws.  

Tonight however, I am growing through this pothole.  I am taking that cosmic reminder as a message that although I am not perfect, I am me, and that I am just fine as I am.  I am strong and I am capable.  I am consciously reminding myself that there are certain disorders where people project their own flaws onto others.  Empathetic souls, are willing to accept those flaws as their own. They take responsibility and try to make things right, or better.  I know today, I am only responsible for myself.  

As for my feelings of exposing my inner self too much...we cannot live life without risks.  Risks can lead to rewards.  Risks can make our life richer.  No apologies for who I am.  

~Lisa Kroll

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Let It Go!....The Launching of a Princess*....

*technically that should read "Let it Go!...The Launching of a 'Friend' of the Princesses"

Tomorrow my baby turns 21.  Wow!  Years go past so/too fast.  Don't blink friends, your children will grow up before you know it.  

My daughter is a stunning to the eye beauty - note: biased mother. 
As her mother, I am very proud of her.  I am excited for her future, and I am excited for her next adventure which starts very early on Monday morning.  

In January of this year, she told me she wanted to go to an audition for a college internship.  She asked if I would take her.  Through the many years of ballet, I took her to all but one of her auditions.  I'd like to think I was a rock for her, but that sounds presumptuous.  I did learn to read what she would need.  Snacks, photos, names, numbers, etc, but mostly just someone to take out her stress on or share her joy.  What ever was needed, I'd handle it.  After all, I am her mom.  

Her audition this time was over in Columbus, OH...five hours away.  My baby had her heart set on this.  I was in.  On the eve of her audition she was getting nervous and started feeling under the weather, was tired, etc.  Stress can do interesting things.  My daughter and I have always been hard on one another.  I love her so much, and unconditionally.  IMHO, stress makes her hostile towards others.  I know she loves me.  She has always needed to be able to release her stress, and know that I will still be there for her.  I will always be there.  No.  Matter.  What.  She was thinking of NOT going to this audition.  I drew the line...I was heading to Columbus the next morning at 5 a.m. and she could sleep in the van.  She could suck it up for a few hours, IF she really was sick.  

On Sunday, March 8th, the two of us headed to Columbus, OH.  On the way there she told me it could be a six hour audition.  I was skeptical.  No way was this going to be a six hour audition!  None of her auditions have ever been that long!  This was different.  We arrived at a fairly decent sized, but not super large, dance studio.  She was number 149 out of nearly 250 college-aged students who had arrived for this audition.  

The audition WAS six hours long.  It was an elimination, elimination, elimination audition.  Participants would audition and then wait to see if they made the cut.  I had been sitting in the front of the dance studio just listening.  Each time numbers were called, I had my head down.  I did not want to see her face IF she was dismissed.  My baby made it through six hours of learning dance routines.   She and I did NOT hear her number called.  

With a Dinglehopper after the audition.  

Her talent, paired with her beauty, led to body measurements being made, head shots and full body photos being taken.  She was thanked for her time and then told they'd be in touch.  

On Monday morning, my daughter leaves to start her four month college internship at Disney World.  Officially she will be a character performer.  I believe she is to be dancing in the parades.  She also will get to be "friends" with the princesses...Disney code won't let me say more.  As a Disney junkie...I am so excited!!!!!  

Guess where I will be heading in October on my fall break?  

My sister tells me that in a few years I can go to work at Disney World too.  She says I can be the Fairy Godmother!  LOL!  I could do that, and you know I'd love it.  :) 

Until then...I need to let my baby go.  

~Lisa Kroll