...random thoughts, opinions and secrets on children... aging... cooking... crafts... nature... and whatever else I deem curious...
~Copyright 2013. Hootie~

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Music...How it Heals Me





I have rediscovered music.  Pop music.  

I have always retreated to classical music as a my refuge.  I find classical music to be extremely soothing.  But there is also something so healing in music that has lyrics.  Listening to what an artist is saying can touch ones soul.  I suppose it's like reading poetry; it can make one feel connected, not alone.  Life has me isolated at times.  The weekends are my loneliest parts of the week.  I have actually stopped... and listened to music.  

It's no secret that I love the lyrics and music of Katy Perry.  She has truly touched my spirit.  I am positive she has experienced some of the same emotions that I have experienced.  Several female artists have made my playlist.  Sarah Bareilles, Selena Gomez, Colbie Caillat, and finally Taylor Swift round out my current tribe of musicians.  

The songs they sing are actually empowering.  Anti-bullying.  Self affirming.  Healing.  Filled with learning to love again.  Loving.  Going through loss.  But mostly about loving oneself.  Acceptance.  

I am a hopeless romantic.  When you read my playlist, I am sure you will feel the songs I have chosen are about relationships.  I suppose they are.  But listen closely to the lyrics of the songs on my playlist and you will see they can be interpreted in more than one way.  I am in a stage right now where I relate all they lyrics to learning to love myself once again.  

Listen to Katy Perry's Double Rainbow from her Prism album.  Is it really talking about finding someone else?  Or is it about finding oneself?  I think it is about believing in yourself after being told you are worthless.  Maybe that's my take since I was emotionally abused.  I was two people. Part of me was the person others in public would see.  The super mom.  The lady who could and would organize birthday parties, neighborhood potlucks, PTO events, etc.  The backbone of our family: chef, buyer, chauffeur, etc. But behind closed doors I was told I wasn't enough. I tried to reach a perfection that never existed.  Today, I am loving me. I am learning to trust my own judgements.  I am believing in myself again.  I smile a lot. I feel like I am radiating my happiness. Go.  Listen to Double Rainbow!  Think of me.  When I watched KP's video I almost sensed she found herself too.  
*****
This week I cannot get enough of Taylor Swift's Clean from her 1989 album.  I believe the rain that came down in her song refers to tears.  In order for me to have been able to breathe again, I needed to grieve. Tears have helped me heal.  As the days pass, I am feeling more clean.  


~Lisa   

For fun...here is what's on my Girl Power! playlist:  


Opus No. 1 Tim Carleton & Darrick Deel
Style Taylor Swift
Sugar Maroon 5
Bailando (English Version) Enrique Iglesias…with friends!
Mysterious Ways U2
Just the Way You Are Bruno Mars
Everybody Talks Neon Trees
Lips Are Movin Meghan Trainor
Just Dance Lady Gaga Feat. Colby O'Donis
Take On Me a-ha
Classic MKTO
Uptown Funk (feat. Bruno Mars) Mark Ronson
Gang of Rhythm Walk Off the Earth
The Geeks Will Inherit the Earth I Fight Dragons
Shake It Off Taylor Swift
Something That I Want (perf. by Grace Potter)
The Lion Sleeps Tonight Lebo M
Girls Chase Boys Ingrid Michaelson
Boys Boys Boys Lady Gaga
Counting Stars OneRepublic
Titanium (feat. Sia) David Guetta
I'm Yours/Somewhere Over The Rainbow Straight No Chaser
Brave Sara Bareilles
All of Me The Piano Guys
Let It Go Idina Menzel
Love Is an Open Door Kristen Bell & Santino Fontana
Firework Katy Perry
Pose Stefanie Scott & Carlon Jeffery
Calling All the Monsters China Anne McClain
I Choose You Sara Bareilles
After The Rain Has Fallen Sting
Somebody That I Used to Know Walk Off the Earth
Try Colbie Caillat
All About That Bass Meghan Trainor
Call Me Maybe Carly Rae Jepsen
Bloody Well Right Supertramp
Brand New Day Sting
By The Grace Of God Katy Perry
Cinema Paradiso Joshua Bell;Josh Groban
Come Talk To Me Peter Gabriel
Dreamer Supertramp
Ghost Katy Perry
Hakuna Matata Nathan Lane, Ernie Sabella, Jason Weaver & Joseph Williams
He's A Pirate (" Pirates Of The Caribbean") David Garrett
Hey Ya! OutKast
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For U2
I'm Yours Jason Mraz
International Smile Katy Perry
Kiss That Frog Peter Gabriel
Let's Get it Started Black Eyed Peas
Let's Go The Cars
Livin' La Vida Loca Ricky Martin
Love Me Katy Perry
Magic The Cars
My Best Friend's Girl The Cars
Nothing Else Matters David Garrett
Part Of Me Katy Perry
Pearl Katy Perry
Pride (In The Name Of Love) U2
Radio Beyonce
Roar Katy Perry
Royals Lorde
Satellite Guster
Shake It Up The Cars
Single Ladies Beyonce
Someone That I Used to Know Gotye
Spiritual Katy Perry
Steam Peter Gabriel
This Is How We Do Katy Perry
Unconditionally Katy Perry
Walking On Air Katy Perry
When Will My Life Begin (perf. by Mandy Moore as Rapunzel)
Who Says Selena Gomez & The Scene
Wide Awake Katy Perry
(I've Had) The Time of My Life Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes
Happy (From "Despicable Me 2") Pharrell Williams
Scream Louder (Flyte Tyme Remix) Michael Jackson
I've Done Everything For You Rick Springfield
Human Touch Rick Springfield
Christmas Wrapping The Waitresses

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Names and Emoji's.....

Welcome to the 21st Century!  

Dysfunctional
(adj)  deviating from the norms of social behavior in a way regarded as bad.

Text-chatting with my siblings tonight and the word dysfunctional came up.  I do not think we are dysfunctional.  In fact, I think the opposite.  I think many families would be jealous of the ease we share with one another.  

Our conversation tonight was a simple one:

Bean :
Did you both get a print of my kids wearing yellow?  I have some at home and can't remember!
My Other Brother, Larry:
I don't recall seeing that one in my house.....I think I saw it online �� (Smile face)
Bean :
Oh poo!  I'll pop it in the mail! 
My Other Brother, Larry:
Not a problem 
Bean :
I think Lisa got hers for her birthday!
My Other Brother, Larry:
Yeah.....I understand she's the favorite �� (Smile face with tongue hanging out)
Bean :
She's getting old.  I'm just nice to her so she remembers who I am as she ages
My Other Brother, Larry:
I'll give you that one!
Lisa :
jerks
yes I got one, I am the favorite.  But I’m everyone’s favorite.  �� (Smile face)
My Other Brother, Larry:
Eh?
Bean :
Eh.  At least you know we are thinking about you 
Lisa :
I am getting old.  
Respect your elders
My Other Brother, Larry:
We all are
Lisa :
I’m young at heart though
My Other Brother, Larry:
I'm just immature
Keeps me from growing up
Lisa :
�� (Smile Face)
Bean :
Lol
Lisa :
Love you both.  And your families as well.  
My Other Brother, Larry:
Same.....
Bean :
Love you guys too!!  XO
Gotta pack!  I'm going to -------- tomorrow!!
My Other Brother, Larry:
 ---------?  Enjoy 
Be safe
Lisa :
Godspeed Bean!  �� (Smile face)
(I ❤️ that word!)

My Other Brother, Larry:
Bean?
Bean :
Yeah.  Bean.  Where you been?  
Or should I say, "where ha bean?"
LarryO
My Other Brother, Larry:
Yeah, now you have crossed the line
Lisa :
Little, Little Larry-O.  
You sort of need to yodel it, Bean
Like Larry-he-ho
Bean :
Oh good!  I'll try that next time!
My Other Brother, Larry:
A vision I don't need to think of is you two yodeling
Lisa :
I’m crying from laughing!
My Other Brother, Larry:
Picturing alpine outfits
Lisa :
Are we swedish?
in your image I mean
My Other Brother, Larry:
This is getting weird!
Bean :
Getting?  
We've always been
Lisa :
still crying from laughing
My Other Brother, Larry:
Weird is good..... Dysfunctional is the new normal
Lisa :
�� (smile)
I need to walk my pooch!  Night you two!  Signing off…Lisa the Pizza-Pie
Bean :
�� (Thumbs up)
My Other Brother, Larry:
Enjoy your evenings!  �� (Smile face with heart eyes)
Lisa :
laters!
My Other Brother, Larry:
�� (Devil smile face)
Bean :
�� (Angel smiley face)
My Other Brother, Larry:
�� (wild thing head)
�� (pair of eyes)
Lisa :
�� (Dancing twins, who look to be wearing  Mickey Mouse ears)
Bean :
That is so weird
My Other Brother, Larry:
��(cookie)
��(martini)
Lisa :
I know.  It cracks me up!
Bean :
�� (pig nose)
Lisa :
�� (Old  NES hand control)
Bean :
��(French Fries, from   McDonalds)
�� (food item?)
What is this? ����(two different food items???)
My Other Brother, Larry:
��(Pill)
Lisa :
��(Dog bone wrapped in ? chicken???)
Bean :
�� (blue diamond like flower???)
Lisa :
is this a candy wrapper or a dog bone wrapped in something?  
My Other Brother, Larry:
��(No sign, like do not enter)
Bean :
And what's the point of this!??����⚪️⚫️◼️◻️◾️◽️▪️▫️����⚫️⚫️ (Circles, Squares, etc)
My Other Brother, Larry:
��������������️ (Chinese symbols)
Bean :
We are having entirely too much fun with emotions.  
My Other Brother, Larry:
And I mean it
Lisa :
����������⏰retro stuff (old TV, Radio, Camera, Video Camera, 8mm camera, clock)
Bean :
We ARE weird! �� (Smile face with tongue out)
Lisa :
I need to blog about this. 
You have both been warned
Help me with a title. 
For my post
My Other Brother, Larry:
�� (doughnut)
Bean :
I gotta go  (finding suitcase emoticon...)
Lisa :
Laters!!!  Still need a post title. 
Bean :
✈️ (airplane)
Lisa :
Then blogging
Bean :
�� pretty sure this is a monorail
Just sayin
Lisa :
I thought that too
Should be purple
or not
Bean :
Night!!!! XO ����(two different smile face with tongue out)
Lisa :
Laters!!!
My Other Brother, Larry:
���� (cow, pile   of poop  with  a  smile  face  on  it)
Ciao

Did you notice we digressed at some point?  Emoji's took over.  Have you ever really looked at all those?  What are some of those supposed to be?  When would one ever use some of those?  I can't figure it out. Seriously, the retro ones I posted mean that there is a generation who knows what those are supposed to be AND has jumped into the 21st century.  Baby Boomers who have embraced technology.  
                                                         ••••••••

Growing up, I was blessed to have an extended family filled with cousins. We all have/had nicknames.  I know my brother and I decided on our sister's nickname, but how we got ours?  I do not know.  I was Lisa, The Pizza Pie. My brother was Larry-O (a.k.a. Little Larry, after our father).  My sister, the baby...Eileen, the Bean.  No one, save us, is allowed to use those names. Those are ours.  Our tie to our parents, and to our shared past.  Once in awhile my cousins, the older ones, will call me Pizza.  They are also allowed. 


------------
My Latest obsession:  Taylor Swift's album 1989

Have listened to every song on that album over and over and over in the past 24 hours.  I've had the CD for weeks, but really just listened to it all.  IT'S GREAT!!!  She is one talented lady.  

Tonight:  Wildest Dreams (click here to hear it)...LOVE IT! 
                              lyrics click here
My regret is that I cannot sing.  I do, but...I am a teacher, not a singer.  I know my limitations.  Thank goodness for closed doors and windows.


Saturday, April 11, 2015

Living in the Moment...Wishing Upon a Star

Happiness.  Sometimes we just fail to open our eyes and look, even when it is within our grasp.  I fear, that I have given the impression that I am stuck in an unhappy rut.  While I am sort of in that rut, I also feel like I am close to the edge of climbing out and getting back on sure-footed, happy ground.  

In an attempt to focus my thoughts, and climb farther out of that rut...I offer the universe some of my happy memories and thoughts.  

Growing up: B.E.  Before Eileen.  

I was blessed to be born into a family with two parents who loved not only each other, but their children.  My family regularly did things together, especially on the weekends.  We were campers.  We started out as a family of tent campers.  I grew up around a campfire on the summer weekend nights.  Eventually, our love of camping led us to a pop-up trailer, and with that came adventures!  

The way my memory recalls it, the first summer we owned the trailer, we became acclimated to our new, upscale life.  There was a routine to pulling into a campsite.  Everyone had jobs that needed to be done before solo exploration could happen.  Clearly Dad would have the job of backing the trailer into position.  Mom had the job of making sure she guided dad into the correct spot.  I recall whenever they reversed this job...things didn't go as smoothly.  Once the trailer was in place, the blocks holding the tires in position needed to be set, as did the piece of wood to level the trailer.  Trailer set up included the ends needed to be pulled out, the top raised, electrical cords unwound, stretched out, and plugged in. Patio lights strung, laundry lines set between two trees, kindling gathered, food unpacked, beds made, and the lawn chairs set out.  Everyone had their jobs, and we all worked together.  Rain or shine, we camped.  

Starting in summer number two as pop-up trailer campers...  Our best trips with the trailer included two-week summer adventures: to Yellowstone, to Niagara Falls and Canada, and to Key West, Florida.  I recall being wide-eyed, amazed and awed as I looked upon Mount Rushmore, felt the spray of the falls on my face, saw Old Faithful erupt on schedule, visited Disney World for the first time (where I heard about Walt's future "world" to be called E.P.C.O.T - Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow), played in the snow of the Rockies while in my shorts, visited the Coors plant when Coors beer was only sold west of the Mississippi, and wondered what made the Badlands of South Dakota so bad.  

I learned how to play Euchre while camping, and I had the best partner.  Dad and I would take on my mom and brother.  When our years of traveling with the camper ended, our card playing continued.  Our neighborhood was prone to frequent power outages, and they seemed to always fall on Friday or Saturday nights.  When playing by candle light, I still always had the best partner!  

When I was 15, my parents sat my bother and I down.  They had something to tell us.  The next summer, we would be getting an addition to the family.  Apparently I was to blame.  All the prayers I had said, the ones where I asked God for another brother or sister, were finally being answered!!!  

Life was changing.  But our family love just grew deeper and stronger.  

It is this love, the family love I grew up with which I can not, and do not want to let go.  It lingers in the fibers of my very being.  I am forever grateful to have my sister and my brother.  

Recent Past:  25 years, give or take

As I spread my wings and flew from my childhood home, I wanted to take what I grew up with and plant my own seed/s of love in the world.  I wanted to watch my seeds grow and bloom.  

As I look at my own two children, I know I have done exactly what I had dreamed of doing.  That warms my heart.   

I am grateful that I have been able to share adventures with my children.  I am happy that I took them to San Diego and walked on the west coast with them.  That I took them to the top of the arch in St. Louis.  That I took them to Chicago, Cincinnati and Indianapolis for weekend and day trip get-aways.  I am happy that I was able to be available for them, and their friends as they grew up.  I am happy that I am talented enough to sew Halloween costumes, to make dinners and deserts that spoil them, that I insisted they do the summer reading programs at the library and then would spend many evenings being the one who read stories out loud to them.  I am grateful that they love Harry Potter, Lego's and Mario as much as I do.  I feel blessed that I have been able to skip, while holding their hands and singing along to Disney songs while at Disney World, and that I have experienced the magic of Disney with them as well.  

Today:  The past two years, or so

Today I am happy for me.  Simply me.  I am excited about what my future holds.  I am proud that I decided I wanted to go back to school to get my masters and that I did.  I am excited that I have an opportunity to do something that I love, which is to teach.  I am excited to continue exploring the world around me, being awed and amazed by it and then being able to bring it, along with my joy, into my classroom.  But, I am still young.  I still have love to share.  I want to plant more seeds.  I still have time to watch the new love I share grow and bloom. Watch out my friends!  I just might have to share my love with you!  

~Lisa, formerly known as Hootie





Friday, April 03, 2015

Post Midnight....

A treat from me to me today
I was talking with a friend, and telling her how challenging life is right now.  How so much is going to change and that I'm a little scared, nervous and sad.  

She reminded me that the things that have changed are actually inside me and those things will never be lost.  Wise words.  She's right.  

No settling.  Mourning is normal and needed in order to move forward.  

-----

Self discoveries:  
Loving these songs right now...Taylor Swift's Style, Maroon 5's Sugar and Enrique Iglesias' Bailando.  

Need to listen to them at full volume, and over and over, and over. 

Grateful for...Friends, new and old.  They keep my perspective in focus.  At 51 you'd think I could do this on my own!!!  


Thursday, April 02, 2015

When the Clock Strikes Midnight...

As a little girl I dreamt of being a princess.  

That meant I would someday find my prince charming, be a wife and a mother.  I grew up clouded by images set up by the fairy tales I read and by Disney.   

Here's how the story goes:  Rags to riches.  Good girl.  Trouble enters her life.  She is smart and strong, but she needs her prince charming to complete her.  HE needs to rescue her from whatever that trouble might be.  In return, she lives happily ever after by managing his castle and his offspring. 

A rather simple dream.  

I've lived my dream.  Now my clock has struck midnight.  

In a few months time I will be back in my rags.  Gone will be my nice, big house...the one with the kitchen that I designed.  Gone will be the security of my familiar neighborhood...where my neighbors all keep an eye on me.  Gone will be the days where I can go to the store and purchase whatever my children and I need, without worry of where the money is coming from.  I'm sure I'll be able to afford the basics...I'll have a place to call my own.  But, will I be able to afford cable?  My smart phone?  Any extras?  

What outsiders don't see, is that daily I am challenged to hold my head up and be tough.  I am reminded that I did make choices that played into how my life has turned out.  I take ownership in that.  This just sucks.  Each day that I receive a paper in the mail from the court, it is a visual reminder of my being discarded.  Of my serving my purpose.  I've been handed my pink slip.  

A former princess.  I grew up without much, and I know how to do without.  I just need time to adjust. 

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Another year older, and wiser...


51.  Yes, it was my birthday this week.

Last year, when I turned the big five-oh, I was in Disney World with my sister.  What an amazing way to ring in a new decade.

This year I decided to go a little more low key.  I decided to sort of let the day come and go as it may.

I was happy when I received a call to sub on my birthday.  The call came a few weeks ago.  I would be hanging out with kindergartner's.  Perfect!

On the night before my birthday I had decided that I really, really, really wanted to wear my flowers from last year on my head.  There is something so feminine about wearing flowers!  Something so outdoorsy!  Something so me!  Could I get away with it?  I'm fifty-one now, should I do it? Or do I need to really grow up?

I decided to go for it!


Because I was subbing in my "home" school, I knew everyone would look at me and just say to themselves, yep, that's Lisa!  Everyone who saw me said, "I like your flowers."  If they didn't all ready know it, I told them, "Thanks!  It's my birthday!"  I'm sure if they hadn't all ready said to themselves, yep, that's Lisa...they did then.

What I am loving about myself and about teaching is that I can embrace my inner fun and share it with others.  Others who can tell me, That's cool!  I want to do that too!  And I hope they will.  Children need to have a safe place in which they can dare to be different.  A place they can find themselves and not be made to feel wrong for being who they are.  I feel a school can be and should be this place.  I hadn't realized that I have a little bit of a free spirit in my soul.  How cool!  How fun! I don't want to be exactly like everyone else.  I want to be me!

I am glad I am on the Eating, Praying and Loving journey while in my fifties.

~Lisa

P.S.  I wore my flowers the entire day!  I wore them while I was subbing, when I went out to eat dinner with my two children, and when I went to my divorce support group meeting.  Although this birthday didn't top last year's Disney trip (honestly, none ever will), it was exactly perfect!


Thursday, March 19, 2015

Spring Break in the south...North Carolina

Living in Indiana, the winter weather can be long.  Gray skies tend to be the trend come February.  Our schools take their spring break early, but we all are ready for a little warmth and sunshine.  This year I drove south with my daughter and her friend.  We went to visit family...without the family being there.  What a treat!  Although, with family would have been even better!  Winston was allowed to go, and he was one happy dog.  

At the bottom of the road, there is a stream for splashing.  

Have you seen the movie Deliverance?  Certainly it may have been filmed here.  

Dry Falls

On the walk way to/from Dry Falls, grates...that some dogs do NOT like to step on.
Winston kept trying to walk around these!  


See picture below...

Bridal Veil Falls recently had a rock fall, but one used to be able to drive under them.  

Playing games at the house

On the property, a small, family cemetery.  




A reminder that life is/was short.
1831-1857 and 1838-1875

Infant markers

hard to read, but 1812
which means these people lived here BEFORE Indiana became a state



The sunset...reminds me how much I love Sky Blue

The girls fell in love with this balloon bunny, George.  
 We purposely spent one day climbing a mountain.  WE took the trails.  It took us one and a half hours to reach the top from the parking lot.

One of the vistas

These guys climbed straight up the mountain face.  They told me it took them just over three hours.  They were heading down and then going to come up one more time before calling it a day.  

The ground sparkles due to the Mica content in the soil.  
Survey marker, above sea level

Feeling free!  On top of that survey marker...


Another vista, on the way down

Mom and daughter moment.  Clearly we needed a bigger rock to perch upon.  

Just enough time to put together one puzzle.  
In between our hikes, we shopped, ate out, read books, watched movies, played games, laid out in the sun, and spent the late evening hours hanging out in the hot tub star gazing.

An almost perfect trip!

~Lisa

Thinking...

I am not the same person I was at 20 years of age.
I don't wish to go back there either.

But who is this woman of 50?  Her skin isn't as taunt as it once was, and it seems thinner than she recalls.  Muscles aren't as firm as they used to be.  But she does nothing extra to prevent their lap of shape.  Life keeps her busy.  Life shows it's wear on her body.  Viewing her nakedness, and the mirror is not her friend.  She cannot jump as high as she once could.  Although, honestly, She never measured how how she could jump, so...who knows.

However...

Her life experience is greater now.  She knows how she enjoys spending her time, and the type of person she enjoys being around.  She knows what calms her, what sets her off, what makes her smile, what makes her laugh, what brings her joy, and what makes her heart sad.  She has experienced great loss, but has come through it.  She has wisdom to know that eventually all will be as it should be.  She is a dreamer.  She believes the best in others.  And, she always, always, always looks for the good and the positive.

But, she's not in balance yet.

She's still learning to love herself.

All of herself.