...random thoughts, opinions and secrets on children... aging... cooking... crafts... nature... and whatever else I deem curious...
~Copyright 2013. Hootie~

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Living in the Moment...Wishing Upon a Star

Happiness.  Sometimes we just fail to open our eyes and look, even when it is within our grasp.  I fear, that I have given the impression that I am stuck in an unhappy rut.  While I am sort of in that rut, I also feel like I am close to the edge of climbing out and getting back on sure-footed, happy ground.  

In an attempt to focus my thoughts, and climb farther out of that rut...I offer the universe some of my happy memories and thoughts.  

Growing up: B.E.  Before Eileen.  

I was blessed to be born into a family with two parents who loved not only each other, but their children.  My family regularly did things together, especially on the weekends.  We were campers.  We started out as a family of tent campers.  I grew up around a campfire on the summer weekend nights.  Eventually, our love of camping led us to a pop-up trailer, and with that came adventures!  

The way my memory recalls it, the first summer we owned the trailer, we became acclimated to our new, upscale life.  There was a routine to pulling into a campsite.  Everyone had jobs that needed to be done before solo exploration could happen.  Clearly Dad would have the job of backing the trailer into position.  Mom had the job of making sure she guided dad into the correct spot.  I recall whenever they reversed this job...things didn't go as smoothly.  Once the trailer was in place, the blocks holding the tires in position needed to be set, as did the piece of wood to level the trailer.  Trailer set up included the ends needed to be pulled out, the top raised, electrical cords unwound, stretched out, and plugged in. Patio lights strung, laundry lines set between two trees, kindling gathered, food unpacked, beds made, and the lawn chairs set out.  Everyone had their jobs, and we all worked together.  Rain or shine, we camped.  

Starting in summer number two as pop-up trailer campers...  Our best trips with the trailer included two-week summer adventures: to Yellowstone, to Niagara Falls and Canada, and to Key West, Florida.  I recall being wide-eyed, amazed and awed as I looked upon Mount Rushmore, felt the spray of the falls on my face, saw Old Faithful erupt on schedule, visited Disney World for the first time (where I heard about Walt's future "world" to be called E.P.C.O.T - Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow), played in the snow of the Rockies while in my shorts, visited the Coors plant when Coors beer was only sold west of the Mississippi, and wondered what made the Badlands of South Dakota so bad.  

I learned how to play Euchre while camping, and I had the best partner.  Dad and I would take on my mom and brother.  When our years of traveling with the camper ended, our card playing continued.  Our neighborhood was prone to frequent power outages, and they seemed to always fall on Friday or Saturday nights.  When playing by candle light, I still always had the best partner!  

When I was 15, my parents sat my bother and I down.  They had something to tell us.  The next summer, we would be getting an addition to the family.  Apparently I was to blame.  All the prayers I had said, the ones where I asked God for another brother or sister, were finally being answered!!!  

Life was changing.  But our family love just grew deeper and stronger.  

It is this love, the family love I grew up with which I can not, and do not want to let go.  It lingers in the fibers of my very being.  I am forever grateful to have my sister and my brother.  

Recent Past:  25 years, give or take

As I spread my wings and flew from my childhood home, I wanted to take what I grew up with and plant my own seed/s of love in the world.  I wanted to watch my seeds grow and bloom.  

As I look at my own two children, I know I have done exactly what I had dreamed of doing.  That warms my heart.   

I am grateful that I have been able to share adventures with my children.  I am happy that I took them to San Diego and walked on the west coast with them.  That I took them to the top of the arch in St. Louis.  That I took them to Chicago, Cincinnati and Indianapolis for weekend and day trip get-aways.  I am happy that I was able to be available for them, and their friends as they grew up.  I am happy that I am talented enough to sew Halloween costumes, to make dinners and deserts that spoil them, that I insisted they do the summer reading programs at the library and then would spend many evenings being the one who read stories out loud to them.  I am grateful that they love Harry Potter, Lego's and Mario as much as I do.  I feel blessed that I have been able to skip, while holding their hands and singing along to Disney songs while at Disney World, and that I have experienced the magic of Disney with them as well.  

Today:  The past two years, or so

Today I am happy for me.  Simply me.  I am excited about what my future holds.  I am proud that I decided I wanted to go back to school to get my masters and that I did.  I am excited that I have an opportunity to do something that I love, which is to teach.  I am excited to continue exploring the world around me, being awed and amazed by it and then being able to bring it, along with my joy, into my classroom.  But, I am still young.  I still have love to share.  I want to plant more seeds.  I still have time to watch the new love I share grow and bloom. Watch out my friends!  I just might have to share my love with you!  

~Lisa, formerly known as Hootie





Friday, April 03, 2015

Post Midnight....

A treat from me to me today
I was talking with a friend, and telling her how challenging life is right now.  How so much is going to change and that I'm a little scared, nervous and sad.  

She reminded me that the things that have changed are actually inside me and those things will never be lost.  Wise words.  She's right.  

No settling.  Mourning is normal and needed in order to move forward.  

-----

Self discoveries:  
Loving these songs right now...Taylor Swift's Style, Maroon 5's Sugar and Enrique Iglesias' Bailando.  

Need to listen to them at full volume, and over and over, and over. 

Grateful for...Friends, new and old.  They keep my perspective in focus.  At 51 you'd think I could do this on my own!!!  


Thursday, April 02, 2015

When the Clock Strikes Midnight...

As a little girl I dreamt of being a princess.  

That meant I would someday find my prince charming, be a wife and a mother.  I grew up clouded by images set up by the fairy tales I read and by Disney.   

Here's how the story goes:  Rags to riches.  Good girl.  Trouble enters her life.  She is smart and strong, but she needs her prince charming to complete her.  HE needs to rescue her from whatever that trouble might be.  In return, she lives happily ever after by managing his castle and his offspring. 

A rather simple dream.  

I've lived my dream.  Now my clock has struck midnight.  

In a few months time I will be back in my rags.  Gone will be my nice, big house...the one with the kitchen that I designed.  Gone will be the security of my familiar neighborhood...where my neighbors all keep an eye on me.  Gone will be the days where I can go to the store and purchase whatever my children and I need, without worry of where the money is coming from.  I'm sure I'll be able to afford the basics...I'll have a place to call my own.  But, will I be able to afford cable?  My smart phone?  Any extras?  

What outsiders don't see, is that daily I am challenged to hold my head up and be tough.  I am reminded that I did make choices that played into how my life has turned out.  I take ownership in that.  This just sucks.  Each day that I receive a paper in the mail from the court, it is a visual reminder of my being discarded.  Of my serving my purpose.  I've been handed my pink slip.  

A former princess.  I grew up without much, and I know how to do without.  I just need time to adjust. 

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Another year older, and wiser...


51.  Yes, it was my birthday this week.

Last year, when I turned the big five-oh, I was in Disney World with my sister.  What an amazing way to ring in a new decade.

This year I decided to go a little more low key.  I decided to sort of let the day come and go as it may.

I was happy when I received a call to sub on my birthday.  The call came a few weeks ago.  I would be hanging out with kindergartner's.  Perfect!

On the night before my birthday I had decided that I really, really, really wanted to wear my flowers from last year on my head.  There is something so feminine about wearing flowers!  Something so outdoorsy!  Something so me!  Could I get away with it?  I'm fifty-one now, should I do it? Or do I need to really grow up?

I decided to go for it!


Because I was subbing in my "home" school, I knew everyone would look at me and just say to themselves, yep, that's Lisa!  Everyone who saw me said, "I like your flowers."  If they didn't all ready know it, I told them, "Thanks!  It's my birthday!"  I'm sure if they hadn't all ready said to themselves, yep, that's Lisa...they did then.

What I am loving about myself and about teaching is that I can embrace my inner fun and share it with others.  Others who can tell me, That's cool!  I want to do that too!  And I hope they will.  Children need to have a safe place in which they can dare to be different.  A place they can find themselves and not be made to feel wrong for being who they are.  I feel a school can be and should be this place.  I hadn't realized that I have a little bit of a free spirit in my soul.  How cool!  How fun! I don't want to be exactly like everyone else.  I want to be me!

I am glad I am on the Eating, Praying and Loving journey while in my fifties.

~Lisa

P.S.  I wore my flowers the entire day!  I wore them while I was subbing, when I went out to eat dinner with my two children, and when I went to my divorce support group meeting.  Although this birthday didn't top last year's Disney trip (honestly, none ever will), it was exactly perfect!


Thursday, March 19, 2015

Spring Break in the south...North Carolina

Living in Indiana, the winter weather can be long.  Gray skies tend to be the trend come February.  Our schools take their spring break early, but we all are ready for a little warmth and sunshine.  This year I drove south with my daughter and her friend.  We went to visit family...without the family being there.  What a treat!  Although, with family would have been even better!  Winston was allowed to go, and he was one happy dog.  

At the bottom of the road, there is a stream for splashing.  

Have you seen the movie Deliverance?  Certainly it may have been filmed here.  

Dry Falls

On the walk way to/from Dry Falls, grates...that some dogs do NOT like to step on.
Winston kept trying to walk around these!  


See picture below...

Bridal Veil Falls recently had a rock fall, but one used to be able to drive under them.  

Playing games at the house

On the property, a small, family cemetery.  




A reminder that life is/was short.
1831-1857 and 1838-1875

Infant markers

hard to read, but 1812
which means these people lived here BEFORE Indiana became a state



The sunset...reminds me how much I love Sky Blue

The girls fell in love with this balloon bunny, George.  
 We purposely spent one day climbing a mountain.  WE took the trails.  It took us one and a half hours to reach the top from the parking lot.

One of the vistas

These guys climbed straight up the mountain face.  They told me it took them just over three hours.  They were heading down and then going to come up one more time before calling it a day.  

The ground sparkles due to the Mica content in the soil.  
Survey marker, above sea level

Feeling free!  On top of that survey marker...


Another vista, on the way down

Mom and daughter moment.  Clearly we needed a bigger rock to perch upon.  

Just enough time to put together one puzzle.  
In between our hikes, we shopped, ate out, read books, watched movies, played games, laid out in the sun, and spent the late evening hours hanging out in the hot tub star gazing.

An almost perfect trip!

~Lisa

Thinking...

I am not the same person I was at 20 years of age.
I don't wish to go back there either.

But who is this woman of 50?  Her skin isn't as taunt as it once was, and it seems thinner than she recalls.  Muscles aren't as firm as they used to be.  But she does nothing extra to prevent their lap of shape.  Life keeps her busy.  Life shows it's wear on her body.  Viewing her nakedness, and the mirror is not her friend.  She cannot jump as high as she once could.  Although, honestly, She never measured how how she could jump, so...who knows.

However...

Her life experience is greater now.  She knows how she enjoys spending her time, and the type of person she enjoys being around.  She knows what calms her, what sets her off, what makes her smile, what makes her laugh, what brings her joy, and what makes her heart sad.  She has experienced great loss, but has come through it.  She has wisdom to know that eventually all will be as it should be.  She is a dreamer.  She believes the best in others.  And, she always, always, always looks for the good and the positive.

But, she's not in balance yet.

She's still learning to love herself.

All of herself.

 

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Eating, Praying, Loving... part 1 of ?

Always thinking







 What can you do today that you could not do a year ago?


Learning to live in the moment










A year ago, really for most of my life, I could not set boundaries for my emotional self.  I allowed others to enter my life and to emotionally abuse me.  I know that may seem strange because I am a strong person.  I thought that if I made others happy, others whom I loved, it meant they loved me in return.  My inner being was incorrect.  Dare I say wrong?  I am not perfect.  I am learning daily to speak up for myself.  I am learning daily to love myself.  Loving and accepting myself is what allows me to be happy.

I eat, to nourish my physical body.  I pray, to nourish my mental body.  I love, to nourish my emotional body.

A year ago I did not realize how much of a thinker I was.  Or, better said, maybe I did realize it, I just didn't allow myself to trust my own opinions and thoughts.  I find that I enjoy smart conversations with others who challenge my thoughts, but allow me to be entitled to my own opinions.

A part of me is waking up and realizing I am on a journey of self-discovery right now.  School was a wonderful kick-start to prime my brain.  School allowed me to be research topics, state opinions, share with others and be told my thoughts were valid.  If others disagreed with my opinions, I was allowed...no expected, to listen to their reasoning and then respond.  I was respected.

Out loud I will tell you I am looking for my independence.  That I do not need anything from anyone.    I do not want to be saved or protected.  I am discovering me.  I want to enjoy someone else without feeling they need to be my other half.  I am remembering that I am a complete person all ready.

First things first...learn to love thyself.  Do you love yourself?

~Lisa

Note:  The question at the top of this posting is from:  50 Thought Provoking Questions...

Sunday, March 01, 2015

Home...

Despite the change is happening in my life, what I have done for the past 22 years holds strong.  

This afternoon, unannounced, both of my children showed up at my place.  We usually do eat together on Sunday evenings, but I hadn’t spoken to either in several days.  In fact, I was thinking, I wonder how long we can go without chatting?  My son will graduate from college in May.  I expect him to fly the coop and live his own life. I do absolutely LOVE sharing time with my children, but I respect their growing up.  

What a treat to have them come see me!  

We ordered pizza, and as we ate my daughter asked my son where he will live next fall if he doesn’t have a set job.  She asked if he will live with me.   He responded, “Probably.”  A little part of me wanted to pipe up and say, ‘Don’t you think you both should ask me?’, but I decided to stay quiet and cherish the moment.  

It warms my heart to know that my children feel they are ALWAYS welcomed in my home.  

Wherever I am 
will be home 

for my children.